


glass hearts, stone minds

by clandescene (leevee)



Series: a rose in the space [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, Aromantic Han Jisung, Asexual Hwang Hyunjin, Asexuality Spectrum, Comfort/Angst, Demisexual Lee Felix, Implied Acephobia, Implied Arophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28262217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leevee/pseuds/clandescene
Summary: In retrospect, it was easy for Hyunjin to fall for Felix.The hardest part was to be himself in the process.###or, Hyunjin and Felix in thebefore
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix - Relationship
Series: a rose in the space [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2070408
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: SKZ Secret Santa 2020





	glass hearts, stone minds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hyunchans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunchans/gifts).



> This work is initially not beta-ed, but it should be now!
> 
> Also, a little content warning that serves as a spoiler: there would be a scene where someone made an implied sexual move towards an asexual under alcohol influence, but only up to making out. This is the reason behind the "implied aroace-phobia" tag.
> 
> This work of fiction is in no way representing the actual person, especially their sexuality and their responses towards other person's sexuality.

In retrospect, it was easy to fall for Felix.

The hardest part was to be himself in the process.

* * *

Hyunjin met Felix for the first time when he was hungry and in a rush.

“Want a brownie?”

There was a deep voice coming from a boy who was way too cute to appear in front of his eyes, carrying his opened food container filled with brownies, while someone beside him was holding a pile of money. The brownies smelled so good for Hyunjin who forgot to buy any snacks before the cheapest canteen closed for the day. It was a highly tempting combination. A blessing.

Then he looked up and silently questioned why an outsider could enter the art section after the midterm week had finished—as far as he knew, no art club held any audition anymore. Jisung from the band club stood beside him, though, so maybe this was Jisung’s friend.

“You sell it?”

Brownie boy nodded and Hyunjin believed he never met a guy this cute. He might be a broke freshman who would choose a tasteless, jumbo-sized fried rice over the renowned salted egg rice box simply because he needed to save money, but his cuteness might be the perfect drive to indulge himself in... unnecessary sweets.

“I made it myself!”

God, that sounds even better.

“Felix majors in Hospitality,” Jisung added, “and today he made too much, so I think he can sell the leftovers to you guys. Would you buy it?”

“You should!” someone shouted from behind. Hyunjin turned to his back and saw Minho with a cake crumb near his lips. He was usually quite composed, so seeing him getting a bit careless like this was a surprise. “It’s really good, highly recommended!”

“See? Even the head of the dance club says it’s good!” Jisung told Felix with a cheer. “The price is alright, too!”

“Please come again, if you bake too much!” someone added with a little singalong. Hyunjin recognized that voice as Kevin from the choir. “It’s really, really deliciouuss!”

Kevin indeliberately mentioned the price and Hyunjin gulped. That’s not too expensive, but wasn’t he trying to save money for a new pair of shoes, though?

“So, will you try it?” Felix asked with shining eyes, causing Hyunjin to stare at his adorable freckles as well. What had he done earlier, that suddenly he was blessed with the appearance of a cute guy?

Hyunjin opened his wallet. “Sure, I’ll take a bite. Thank you!”

The brownie tasted heavenly.

But Felix’s happy hum when Hyunjin took the cake sounded like the sweetest macaron in the world.

* * *

Felix appeared once a week, carrying various sweets in his food container, and Hyunjin might have to make changes in his financial planning, but it’s alright—it’s not like he actually had one in the first place.

“So today, you learned how to bake chocolate chip cookies?”

“Yeah!” Felix said. Jisung no longer stood beside him—Felix’s weekly appearance made him already accepted by the students in the art section, so Jisung could immediately prepare for his band practice. “I think, apart from all courses I followed so far, cooking is my favorite!”

Hyunjin nodded along with his explanation while nibbling on the cookie. His class was dismissed a little bit earlier. Not many people were around in the common hall, so they were sitting comfortably on the sofa. “You’re a good cook,” he commented. “Is there a cooking specialization in your major?”

“Yup. I think I’m gonna take it in my third year.” Felix fiddled with the lid before adding something. “For now, though, I think I could practice baking in my free time.”

“You didn’t join any club?”

The freckled boy shook his head. “There were too many clubs, I got overwhelmed. Then classes began and the next thing I knew, every club had wrapped up their auditions. Jisung joined the band club as he had dreamed from the start, but the only instrument I’ve learned was the piano and I’m not good at it.”

“You learned to play the piano... because your parents forced you when you were little?”

“Yes!” Felix’s eyes lightened up. “Asian parents,” he added.

“Asian parents.” Hyunjin shook his head together with the cookie boy. “But then I got interested in dancing, so my parents finally stopped the piano lessons.”

“For me, it’s because I entered middle school and got busier,” Felix admitted. “But I’m glad I learned the piano. That’s how I met Jisung, and we became best friends ever since. We even got out of piano lessons together!”

“Really?”

Felix nodded enthusiastically. “Jisung figured out that he wanted to learn more instruments, so he started learning guitar and bass by himself. I joined a dance club in my school, and the schedule clashed with the piano lessons.”

Hyunjin leaned his body a bit closer in surprise. “You danced, too? Why don’t you join us?”

Felix blinked. “You... dance? There’s a dance club, here?”

“Wait, you’ve become a regular here, and still didn’t know that we have a dance club?” Hyunjin gaped. “You didn’t know that I’m in the dance club?!”

“Well, I was too busy selling my sweets to notice anyone...” Felix admitted. “Jisung was by my side at first, to help me not get overwhelmed. Actually, I forgot your name ...”

So all this time, they were talking but Felix didn’t even know him? Hyunjin’s heart sank, realizing that he was just a stranger in front of him. “Uh, you’re right. I had never introduced myself, huh?”

Felix shook his head with an apologetic smile. Why was this guy so cute?

The dancer extended his right hand. “I’m Hwang Hyunjin! Freshman, Communication major. Here because I joined the dance club, and I think you should join us!”

Felix put the container on his lap and shook Hyunjin’s hand. “I’m Lee Felix! A freshman, too. Hospitality major. Here because I want to sell cookies, but maybe I can try?”

“Free trial for a week,” Hyunjin replied. “And the next week, too. You can come and go whenever you like!”

Felix grinned widely, while the rays of the afternoon sunlight washed him with a soft glow. For the first time in weeks, Hyunjin thought he looked so ethereal, like a piece of fine art, more beautiful than the expensive oil paintings that covered the art section.

“Okay, I’ll try!”

* * *

For someone who never took a proper dance lesson, Felix adapted very quickly.

Apparently, they were both hip hop dancers who liked K-pop, and so they often stretched together, blasting songs from their favorite groups.

“Today was fun,” Felix said while wiping his sweat at the end of their meeting. “See you next week, Hyunjin! Don’t forget to listen to VIXX, they’re amazing!”

Hyunjin waved back. “I will! And—”

But Jisung had appeared behind the dance room’s door, and Felix immediately shifted his focus towards his childhood friend. Whatever Hyunjin was going to say would never be heard by the sweets seller, although the boy still kept his gaze towards the dance club’s newest member.

Last week, Felix put his hand on Jisung’s shoulder in a one-man hug.

Today, though, he linked their arms together down the hall.

Minho patted Hyunjin’s shoulder with pity in his eyes. “You should go home, too.”

To Hyunjin, Felix was all that he could see, the brightest existence in the middle of the night, brighter than the neon lights in the hall.

To Felix, though, his world has shifted to Jisung and only Jisung. It probably had always been that way for years, and there was no chance for Hyunjin to try.

* * *

The next week, Hyunjin found Felix stretching alone in the dance room, listening to a [song that involved a lot of string sections](https://open.spotify.com/track/0u2P5u6lvoDfwTYjAADbn4?si=IEHfrQY6S-Wz4uu3VKtPvw).

The boy was just sitting down, legs spread out, body bent to let his gentle hands reach his right feet, and it’s not like Hyunjin did not stretch that way too. But the way Felix timed his descent to the violin was so mesmerizing, like the sweet greetings the ocean waves gave to the shore.

He was not just a member of the campus’ dance club. Felix was a masterpiece, and Hyunjin wanted to try dancing with the most beautiful swan he had ever seen.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” said a deep voice that pulled Hyunjin back from his daydream.

He blinked and hurriedly entered the dance room. “You waited for me? Why?”

Felix made a gesture to let Hyunjin sit beside him. In his tiny hand, there was a [dance video featuring two males](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ovHSQwp1n0), dancing gracefully to the song that Felix used for stretching earlier. “I heard that we’re gonna have a showcase for new students?”

Hyunjin nodded. “The week before the final exam, the art section will hold a showcase. You want to dance to this?”

“Yup, but obviously I need a partner.” Felix looked up from his phone, the neon light illuminated his pretty orbs, and Hyunjin was enchanted.

“Who is it?”

“I want it to be you. If you let me.”

There were only two people in the dance room, and the sound of the violin filled the room with a kind of beauty Hyunjin never knew, but he was more than eager to discover it.

“I will.”

* * *

Hyunjin danced as the guy with the dark sweater. Felix said that was because between the two of them, he was taller. Hyunjin let him decide because Felix would lean his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder at the end of the dance, and maybe he could steal a chance to run his hands through his soft hair.

In the first scene, they aligned the tip of their fingers together. It felt like an electric current was running between them.

In the next movement, they were holding each other’s neck.

“Hyunjin! It tickles!” Felix laughed and fell on the floor. “Oh my God, it tickles, I can’t—”

“You’re the one who chose that choreo!” Hyunjin laughed back. “Your hand tickles me too! Urgh, how should we solve this...”

“I got an idea.”

Felix tugged Hyunjin’s wrist so they both sat down, then he guided his hand towards his neck. “Hold it for a while. Maybe I just need to get accustomed to your hands on my neck?”

The freckled boy was shivering. Hyunjin could not pinpoint what caused it, whether it was fear or anything else, but he let Felix do the same to his neck.

If handholding felt like an electric current, Felix’s hand that hovered on Hyunjin’s neck felt like ocean waves. His heart thumped far too fast and he wondered, would the boy in front of him move a little bit towards his veins? Would he feel his constant beating heart, his heightened senses, his whole being that screamed to get closer towards him?

Would he realize that his lips were begging to be kissed right now?

He looked closer while holding his breath to find that Felix also stared at his lips.

Maybe he was not the only one who got affected.

“You know, this is the first time there’s someone else other than Jisung who held my neck like this.”

Felix’s deep voice echoed in the empty room, thrumming against Hyunjin’s fingertips, laced with love and adoration that was not directed towards him. 

“Really?”

“This is really out of nowhere,” Felix giggled, “but I actually like being choked. Consensually, of course.”

Maybe he was hoping too much.

“How long have you guys dated each other?”

Felix pulled a smile that did not reach his eyes and removed his hand from Hyunjin’s neck. “I think this should be enough. Wanna try it again?”

* * *

One week before the showcase, Hyunjin managed to run his fingers through Felix’s hair in the last movement.

“I bought a new conditioner,” the boy said jokingly in midst of his heavy breathing.

“It’s really soft,” Hyunjin replied softly. “I feel like touching the clouds.”

“You mean, cotton can—Jiji!”

Felix removed himself from Hyunjin’s cradle and ran towards his best friend (boyfriend?) immediately. “Done already?”

Jisung nodded enthusiastically. “Figured we can hang out earlier tonight.”

“Okay, I’ll pack my bag and go!”

Hyunjin scrunched his eyebrows. “Without cooling down?”

“Slow walking counts as cooling down, right?”

A sigh came from Jisung. “No need to hurry, Lixie,” he said with an amused gaze. “You’re cooling down right now.”

“Ah! I got too excited!” Felix smiled sheepishly. Ugh, why did he look so cute when he was not going to date Hyunjin, instead?

_ (was there anyone willing enough to date him, though?) _

“Oh, you’re Hyunjin, right? Felix’s partner for the showcase?” Jisung turned towards him and offered a hand. “I’m Jisung from the band club. Your duet is so cool, I’ll cheer for you guys in the showcase.”

“O-oh, thank you,” Hyunjin shook Jisung’s hand in awkwardness. Before he could introduce himself back, Felix already stood beside Jisung with a bright smile, giving a subtle signal to the boy so they could leave together.

“Bye, Hyunjin!”

Felix gave a small wave, his palm covered by his thumbhole jacket. Wait, did he wear a jacket to the dance room? Anyway, his tiny hands looked so cute and Hyunjin could not stop his mind from rambling about how cute Felix looked with that pale green thumbhole hoodie and white pants and soft conditioned hair and—“Hyunjin, are you okay?”

He looked back to find Minho looking at him with a concerned look.

Instead of making up his mind and facing the inevitable, the boy pulled a thin smile and answered, “I don’t know.”

* * *

Three days before the showcase, Felix danced like he was the embodiment of heartbreak.

Hyunjin wanted to ask him why the stars hid behind the dark clouds, why the eclipse came earlier and stayed longer than the prediction, why every time he extended his hand it was filled with a yearning towards a miracle,

why Hyunjin could not be brave enough to ask Felix why.

They danced for hours—perfecting the choreography, perfecting the art of not addressing the elephant in the room. 

* * *

Jisung and his band appeared first in the showcase, but Felix was too busy taking care of his eyeliner to watch him.

“Hyunjin, can you put it on for me? My hand keeps shaking!”

And when they finally performed their duet flawlessly, Felix kept hiding his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder, while the boy scanned the audience to look for Jisung (he could not find him).

The audience clapped and cheered like there was no tomorrow, but all he could hear was a silent “thank you” from his dancing partner.

* * *

“Thank you for your hard work, everyone!” Minho started his small speech after tiring himself out from collecting all members of the dance team into one spot. “Especially to the freshmen, your performances are all amazing! Since next week is the finals, this might be the last day we see each other in this term, and I wish I can still see your faces again next term.”

Hyunjin slung his arm and pulled Felix closer, giving a squeeze on the shorter boy’s shoulder.

“To celebrate our success,” Minho paused for some dramatic effect, “let’s have some dim sum and beer!”

“He’ll treat us?” Felix asked with wide eyes.

“Of course not,” Juyeon, a third-year student who stood beside them, responded. “We still pay our own bills, but at least we eat together.”

“What about the bill?”

Juyeon glanced at the leader who was saying goodbye to the freshmen who had to leave earlier. “They’re gonna make use of my Accounting lessons, unfortunately.” He rose up and slung his bag over his shoulder. “Well, I don’t drink much, anyway. The fifth term already kills me. I’d rather finish my assignments than deal with a hangover.”

Felix put his hand over Hyunjin’s. “Shall we?”

Dim sum sounds really interesting, now.

“Okay.”

* * *

The dim sum restaurant was usually packed on weekend nights only, but there was a big soccer match today. Minho had to work hard to make sure the dance team could sit as close as possible, which was how Hyunjin and Felix ended up back-to-back with the soccer supporters.

He was taking a bite of his har gao when Felix tapped his thighs and pointed towards another member of the dance team. He immediately put the rest inside his mouth and turned his head towards the members.

Hyunjin could not hear anything they said. And no matter how much he screamed “what?” to them, his voice could not be heard, either.

Felix giggled. “They asked if you want another bottle,” he told Hyunjin right on his ear, hands on his thighs for additional support. “Jinnie, wanna share?”

Hyunjin immediately gave them an OK sign, ears burning red. He had no idea whether it was from the cheap bottle he had emptied earlier, or because Felix’s deep voice resonated in his mind. “Sure, Lix,” he replied while turning his head towards the boy beside him.

Felix’s face flushed beautifully. “You’re already this red?”

“I’m not the best at drinking,” he admitted, “but I still wanna have fun, you know. I’m a college student, living by myself, now! Wanna taste some freedom!”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and picked another har gao. “Be careful, Lix.”

“Next time!” Felix put both hands on his thighs now. “Besides, I have Jinnie with me!”

“I don’t even know where you live?”

“Ask Jiji! We live together!” Felix took the beer bottle they ordered earlier. “Ah, but Jiji might not come home tonight...”

The taller boy scrunched his eyebrow. “I thought you guys are dating?”

“I thought we were dating, too,” Felix pouted. “But then I asked him about it and suddenly he said... we’re only childhood friends? That he didn’t like me as much as I do?”

He poured a glass for himself and took a shot. A soccer player scored a goal, and a long cheer erupted from behind them. “But he still wanted me beside him. How, though? Childhood friends don’t just live together and fuck one night and somehow become exclusive fucking buddies, without feelings involved!”

“Lix...”

“Jiji can’t just give me a good dicking with amazing aftercare, and not expecting me to develop some feelings for him!”

Tears rolled down his deeply flushed face, and somehow Hyunjin still considered Felix as the most beautiful being tonight. He was open, vulnerable, and Hyunjin could not help himself from pulling the boy into his embrace.

“And he still had! The audacity! To say that he doesn’t want to lose his best friend? What the fuck, Ji, how can I stop liking him?”

“It’s not easy to stop liking someone,” Hyunjin replied, bitterly directing those words to himself at the same time. “No matter how much they hurt us, we can’t just stop.”

“Exactly,” Felix mumbled in between his sniffles.

“Just let it all out.” Hyunjin kept rubbing circles on Felix’s back. “It’s okay, I’m here to listen.”

“You won’t leave me, right?”

“You’re drunk, no one should leave you alone.”

“I’m not drunk,” Felix said while making a smile, even though Hyunjin could only feel it from his skin. The alcohol had started to kick in like embers inside his gut, while the freckled boy breathed and burned Hyunjin’s skin with his everything. “I know what I’m doing, Jinnie.”

“Lix, I—”

Felix pulled himself away from Hyunjin’s arms. “As you said earlier, it’s not easy to stop liking someone,” he said while locking eyes with Hyunjin, hands traveling from his back towards his nape. “But liking you was so easy.”

This boy set him ablaze. Hyunjin found it harder to breathe, with the oxygen absorbed by the flame Felix had sparked.

“Liking you was so easy too,” he said with doubt laced in that sentence, “but I thought you—”

“I like you, Hwang Hyunjin.”

In the dimly lit room filled with the smell of alcohol, the taller boy could not find any lies as far as his eyes could see. And his sight was stuck on one person only.

“I know what I’m doing. And I know I’m not lying either.”

His heart hammered so fast in his chest, head getting dizzier, Felix gaze intoxicated him even faster than the cheap beer he consumed earlier.

“Do you like me, too?”

Without blinking, Hyunjin replied loud and clear.

“Yes.”

It might have been the alcohol talking, it might have been a hazy dream, but Felix’s lips felt so soft against his own, and his fingers on his jaw felt like the softest feather, keeping him anchored while he was floating on cloud nine.

Gentle, soft, tender.

Felix was everything Hyunjin dreamed of. As their lips moved together languidly, he kept thinking of how he was kissing the embodiment of his wishes.

The hands that initially cupped Hyunjin’s cheeks moved down towards his neck, brushing against his shoulder, pressed against his chest. Hyunjin accidentally parted his lips in shock at the new gesture, and Felix took his chance to deepen the kiss, trying to incite a moan from his dancing partner. Hyunjin could do nothing but obliged because he felt so good, so perfect, so beautiful.

Wait. A moan?

Hyunjin opened his eyes. While he perceived it as a romantic activity, a small part of his mind started to blare the alarm. He was surprised that it was still sober.

Then again, that small part helped him identify what kind of situation he got himself into.

“Lix?” He muttered in midst of their deepening kisses. “Lix, wait.”

Felix blinked once, twice, head still hazy from the making out session earlier. “Jinnie?”

Taking a deep breath, Hyunjin felt guilt washing over him. “Lix, I’m asexual.”

Felix froze for a second. “You mean...”

“I don’t want to get your hopes up,” he whispered.

“You’re unbelievable.”

The freckled boy got up from his seat, muttering a short “Getting a drink,” before he left. Hyunjin counted one, two, three, but the spot beside him stayed empty.

_ “This might be the last day we see each other in this term,” _ Minho said earlier.

Sometimes, the seniors were good at predicting the future.

* * *

The new term came around. Hyunjin warmed up together with his friends in the dance room. If he listened closely, he could hear Jisung screaming that he forgot to practice his part yesterday, since the band practice room was right beside the dance room. Nothing changed much.

Except, no one sold sweets in the art section anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, don't worry about the ending! This is just the beginning, and the endgame of this series is a poly queerplatonic relationship of 00L, all of them in the aromantic-asexuality spectrum. Some of them just need some time to learn about their sexuality and how to deal with others--hence the bad reaction. Don't worry, they will learn from their mistakes in this series! As a greyro-grace myself, I feel like it would be nice to see some representation.
> 
> Thank you for the mods in [Stay Secret Santa 2020](https://twitter.com/stayfanevents) who let me join the event. I had fun writing this! Big appreciation for [find a beta](https://twitter.com/beta_find) service who matched me with [@bangpeachchan](https://twitter.com/bangpeachchan) in an instant! Without her help, I would have let so many sleep-deprived induced mistakes in my final fic
> 
> Also, to hyunchans, I hope you like this one >///< IDK what was going in my mind when I write this, maybe no fic writer should be allowed to write after 2 AM 😂
> 
> Please leave some constructive criticism and I'll see you again! And if you want to, let's be moots on [twitter](https://chocochino.carrd.co)!


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